Change #2

True words from The Great Gatsby. Change is definitely in the air. As Fall comes though it just seems as if everything is getting a little colder. I remember my very first post ever on this blog I talked about change and how much I love it and how great it is. Re-reading that again, I'm surprised by how much I've learned in just a few months. If you so desire, you can read that post here. But I've changed (ha, ironic) my mind on that. Generally, it's still appealing. Sometimes. But I've learned quite another side of change...

Change can be so very, very hard. Especially when it's not just the natural happenings of life, but when you choose to initiate something that changes your life. It's cliche to say "follow your heart" and people like to throw that around like it's nothing. Like it's always an easy thing to do. Like it's a romantic and exciting thing. I guess yeah can be cool if the opportunity is right. But I'm calling it: it's awful sometimes. It's scary. And depending on what the decision deals with, it hurts real bad. I suppose the older I get the harder and more important the choices get. And bigger decisions means bigger chance for loss. 

Seasons change in nature and in life. Things are definitely different than the summer and it will take me quite a while to get used to the changes that fall (and my own heart) have brought into my life. 


Marvel... And not the comics!

Life is busy. Sometimes I don't know where to start making decisions. Or I have way too many opinions about something. I like to have things mapped out and planned. Not knowing is hard for me. Particularly when reality comes knocking on the door. There are places I want to visit and things I want to do.

It's definitely good to have a plan. And dreams. And ambitions. But constant opinions being thrown around usually makes me more confused.  Lately, I've been re-discovering how good alone time can be. Especially when it's just you. The reason all this is on my mind is probably because I was talking to someone today who gave me some solid advice: spend time just figuring out what you want. From life. From relationships. From your future. From yourself. From your goals and dreams.

I came across this quote a while ago from the movie Eat Pray Love: "I just want to go some place where I can marvel at something." From conversations I've had with friends, I know that a lot of people feel like this. Including me at times.

Yes, I love travelling. I really do. But I've also realized some other things recently. Part of life is finding things that make you "marvel" where you are instead of constantly needing to go elsewhere to find inspiration. Because very few people can afford to travel to across continents every time their life needs a boost! At least, I'm definitely can't. While I think every one should travel, it's also really importnat to find things to marvel at wherever home is for you. In your career. Or love life. Or in friends. Or religion. Or hobbies. Or things that we pass by every day because we become accustomed to them.

"So start listening to the silent spaces in your thoughts and enjoy the wells of peace that exist within them"

I have no idea who said that, but I LOVE it. So I guess that's where I am: building a life that is fulfilling. Simple as pie right? ;)

....On a completely unrelated note, why do we use that expression? Have you ever made a pie?! Because I trust me on this. It's no easy feat. 


The Best Of Times

I was debating if life was worth living this morning when my alarm clock blared at 5:30. It was a long night and I didn't hit the hay till almost 4 in the blessed AM. So if this post isn't my absolute best, please take that little fact into consideration!

The reason for this late night was because I had a close friend that really needed to talk. After a long talk with them I felt a bit overwhelmed with how awful the world can be sometimes. For some reason, I always tend to think of my tight circle of family and friends is invincible to what the world hurls at people. But oh how untrue that is. Things happen you don't expect. People can make some pretty bad choices sometimes. And those decisions can impact you and those you care about. But I do not believe in living a pessimistic lifestyle. As I get older I understand the importance of being real. It's completely fine to cry and have a bad day. If you dwell on the negative, though, then life becomes completely void of goodness and all you can see is the bad. The trick is constantly reminding yourself of the great things life has to offer.

For instance, on my way to the library at 6:30 this morning I took my iPod out and was devastated to see it was practically dead. I mean come on, how in hades could I survive the 15 minute walk to campus?!  But in the midst of my walk I was struck with how beautiful and still the world is right before it wakes up. It's quite serene. And all the though the world isn't even close to perfect, it's nowhere close to evil either. There is a tremendous amount of lovely things in this world. I honestly couldn't be happier to be alive and living in this time. Like the fabulous Charles Dickens wrote, it's the best of times and the worst of times. But I am lucky enough to live a life where I can spend most of my time living in the "best of times" category. I think that most of that is because there are people that I love who are genuinely good and who bring SO much happiness into my life.

Which brings me to my next topic of discussion...

So on Saturday my great boyfriend totally surprised me with flowers and a perfect home-cooked dinner. My heart just melted a bit over that! What a great guy, right? I absolutely love surprises. Especially when people go out of their way to do something special for me. It makes me feel so loved that someone would actually do something so sweet just for me! Yeah it was just a perfect date. I think I may have said this before on this blog, but I really appreciate having a boyfriend who tries so hard to understand me, lets me talk about all of my pointless dramas over and over, supports my ambitions, listens to me, puts up with my quirkiness (which albeit, does occasionally come out), and most importantly that I can trust.

So here's to enjoying the best of times! 


Life as a Soph

Sorry for the lack of posting recently! It has been crazy lately with school starting. But I miss my blog!

Being back here at BYU as a sophomore makes me realize how much I've learned since walking onto this campus as a naive freshman. I guess I'm still naive about a lot in life, but I understand a little bit more. This last year has taught me a lot about life and about myself. Things are starting to "click" for me and I feel like I have begun to discover my path in  life. Kind of. There is still a tremendous amount of unknown, but I can see things starting to piece together. And that is a very nice feeling. It's great living with my friends again. I've forgotten how hard they make me laugh and what good conversations we can have. I missed them a ton over the summer!

I will admit, it's SO nice working part-time. The summer of 8+ hours a day just was a little much! I have gained a new appreciation for the Air Force though. I feel very privileged to have this job and learn so much about this branch of the military. Depends on the day, but I generally really like my job. I work with awesome people and because of our hilarious/crazy chats I made it through the summer. I don't think any other workplace in the world is so open!

The paperwork can get nightmare-ish sometimes, but let's get real: welcome to the way government does business. We easily go through a small forest a day. But regardless, it's neat to see the respect and honor the cadets (most of them) and officers treat America with.  Even though not all of these officers and cadets exactly agree with every current policy in the modern government, but they  all absolutely revere what America stands for: our fundamental principles and values.They all agree on that and fight for it. It's impressive to witness such patriotism! Watching the care and respect the color guard brings the flag in with is very moving. Sometimes all you hear in the news are stories slamming our military and highlighting events where people show hatred to America. And it's really refreshing to have a job to balance that out. While I don't necessarily agree with what policy makers in Washington are doing, I do support and respect what men and women sacrifice to serve in the Armed Forces.

Being here daily at the ROTC reminds me what being an American means. It's interesting having the ROTC be on an LDS college campus. Lots of the pictures hung on the walls are scenes from the Bible, Book of Mormon, Revolutionary War, and other wars. It's a good reminder that these men (and others like them) fight for the things that are very dear to me. And I appreciate that. Most of these cadets view their role in the military more than just a job. They recognize the lives they potentially could hold in their hands and the responsibility that comes along with that. Even though I'm just a secretary, they treat with me respect....with only one or two exceptions! I'd never been called ma'am before till this job. I have also got in the habit of calling older men "sir." Yes, I accidentally called my bishop "sir" the other day. Which was a bit weird. In my very, very, very, very insignificantly minuscule way, it's cool to have a job that effects the military of the United States. But here are some pics of things happening around the ROTC from the time when I first started my job last winter! We had a change of command ceremony last week and it is incredibly touching to see all of the cadets and officers in their sharp blue uniforms. Gotta love a guy in a uniform!

Honoring those who lose their lives in war
Dining out! This was so fun, and SOOO  formal.

The inner workings of the office.... not quite as professional as those cadets.

I feel really lucky to have scored such a good job. I have high hopes that this semester will be successful. Also, I promise I won't take so long to update my beloved little blog again!